The Bipolar Lock keeper

The best analogy I have heard about the Bipolar Disorder condition is the AA Milne book “Winnie-The-Pooh” and its characters of Tigger and Eeyore.

Both are lovable in their own way showing different and unique characteristics.

The commonly used analogy prior to this, from a time when Bipolar was known as Manic Depression, was Robert Louis Stevenson’s Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde. Bit too severe for me!

Before using Tigger & Eeyore, my mood states were referred to by a very dear friend as Low Count & High Count. Like Tigger & Eeyore both lovable versions of me. For info my nickname given whilst at The University of Nottingham class ‘84 to ‘87 was The Count

Whilst I was an BSc Engineering Maths graduate, it was not for numerical or financial prowess but because I only came out of my room at night to hit the wonderful clubs, pubs, gig venues and nightlife that Nottingham had to offer. We had Rock City and my new friends and I went to 3 gigs there in the space of 8 days. I had found my happy place. I adore live music & it is my passion.

I have always been able to quickly assess a situation and evaluate pros & cons. Maybe it is the Bipolar. I decided my 3 year stint in Nottingham was going to be a party & Party Central it did indeed become.

I don’t remember much about the 3 years of academic study – perhaps due to the fact I was barely at lectures. My father had said go, learn life skills, have a fantastic time but pass the degree as he had failed as a younger student and returned to academia later in life to secure his Bachelors degree.

I passed with Honours – just! Still it has not held me back in my career.

So for Low Count now I use Eeyore. He is a bit slower, a bit more withdrawn from social situations & less active on social media. Sometimes I feel like just crawling under a rock, going back to bed where it is warm and inviting. The world will still be there when I wake up … right?

Ask me if I am OK and the answer will be Yes, even if it is clearly No!

Eeyore is present when my mood state is between 0 to 4 on the Bipolar UK mood scale.

Now High Count I now use Tigger. Bipolar mood states 6 to 10.

Tigger is excited, the life and soul of the party, over-active on social media, messaging people & everything to extreme.

Tigger does not see risks as clearly as he should and makes big decisions quickly.

My sleep is usually the first thing to be affected when I move into Tigger state. Hyper-mania normally brings with it insomnia & I can get it bad.

My body is running on adrenaline and what does that drug do? …. make everything faster.

My brain neuron’s are firing and it feels amazing. I have done some very challenging projects when hyper-manic – Tigger state

Adrenaline does not let you sleep. I described my sleep challenges recently using the analogy of the angel & devil on your shoulder.

The angel is telling me in a calm and measured voice (I hear my sister’s calm voice – she is after all a trained hypnotherapist) that it is time to stop & rest but the naughty little devil is saying you don’t want to rest, look at all the fun stuff you can get done if you stay up and yes you’ve guessed it the devil always wins.

Tigger is bouncy & the higher on the mood scale I get, the more bouncy Tigger gets!

As Tigger is sleep deprived, he is impatient and doesn’t handle frustrations or the bumps in the road we all experience as we travel along life’s pathway exploring its rich pageant.

My life can be described as two well known games

• JENGA – the modern-day version of a house of cards.
• I am the sole brick on the botton row of a wobbly tower as I’ve been supporting a variety of challenges such as:-
  • An intense full-time job in a large 6th Form college
  • Repair & restaurant of Lock House as prior owners didn’t do many things properly!
  • Luke’s life journey
  • All whilst dealing with bereavement from the loss of a dear parent & crushing grief.
  • Oh Did I mention I have bipolar!
• Snakes & Ladders
  • Your journey mapped out in 100 squares. Each task or project can be broken down in this way
  • Move ahead a step at a time and you are nearer to your goal.
  • I do believe my mum & dad are looking down and helping me navigate life. As a likeness to the beautiful Frank Capra movie – It’s a Wonderful Life, mum & dad are sending me angels, similar to Clarence Odbody, or gold nuggets. These are ladders in the Snakes & Ladders analogy

• My life truly is wonderful. I am blessed with an amazing family and incredible friends. Many beautiful souls ❤️❤️
• But life is not linear and there will always be bumps & frustrations. Negative people or situations. These are The Snakes
• The triage system in the NHS is the biggest snake of all & I cannot stand it. There are some wonderful people working in the NHS but the systems & infrastructure barely function as governments fund it on a just enough budget e.g just enough funding to keep a pulse going. I have seen with my own eyes how broken the systems are.

I hope that goes some way to explaining the superpower that is Bipolar Disorder Type 2.