The Bipolar Lock keeper

If you are of similar age to me & you are blessed, you will have elderly parents.

If both your parents have passed, my condolences for your loss. I hope you have found some peace since their passing.

Everyone’s journey in life is different & some may have challenging families & even be estranged from family members.

I have now lost both parents. My father Alan far too soon at 62 (I was 26) and my mother Mary who lived to the ripe old age of 92, passing in October 2024.

I was lucky to be loved and love in return with all my heart. I miss them so much.

I cared for my mum for the last 6 years of her life as she lived with me in Maidenhead and then in Tod, when we returned north in 2023. I brought Mum home as she grew up in Littleborough – just 5 miles or 2 train stops from Tod.

It was an absolute privilege to give back after receiving love and care all my life. Mum was a rock when my world changed in 2018.

The care was made more challenging by the fact I have bipolar & difficulties getting Mum’s medication but the superpower really does show itself when times are tough.

Some thoughts if you are now having to arrange care or the end of life stage of a parent

• Cherish every moment, time is fleeting & you won’t get it back
• Show them love, kindness, empathy & compassion
• Don’t have reason to regret any action
• Take some time for you. This stage of your life is tough & you need to be fit for purpose.
• You have got this. If you are in my friend & family network you truly are amazing and have all the skills in your toolbox.
• Lean into your support networks whether it be care professionals, family or friends.
• Break it down into smaller manageable tasks/projects
  • I viewed Mum’s care as a program called Send Mum to Dad which broke down into a series of projects. As a certified project manager from my time at IBM this helped me cope.
• Don’t keep the pain & grief hidden, talk to people about it. Trust me it does help.
• If your parent is under NHS care or in a care home. they are safe. Trust the professionals.
• I hope their passing into “the next world“ is as painless as possible. It will be painful for you but pain & grief are the price we pay for true love.
• Whether you are religious or not, their pain is over once they pass and they are in a better place
• I am actually crying now as I write this
• I also hope that you find some peace & solace after their passing. Take it slow and remember all the good times you shared
• I was recently reminded grief is permanent. Get professional help with bereavement & grief, I know I need it!

I was recommended to read the Australian singer/songwriter Nick Cave’s book on grief – Faith, Hope & Carnage. Nick has suffered a lot – losing his father at 19 and 2 sons, aged 15 & 31 respectively.

Finally if you ever want to chat “my door” is always open. Just ping me

Thanks for reading

Graham