The Bipolar Lock keeper

Bipolar Disorder can be a Bastard.

2 weeks ago, I was struggling to get out of bed. Now I’m not spending enough time sleeping in it

#highcount #insomnia #limitless #crawlunder #sleepdeprivation #lowcount

Thank God for prescribed sleeping tabs. Don’t often take them but need them now.

Being high “hyper-mania” makes me feel like the character Bradley Cooper plays in the film Limitless – except I don’t need drugs.

• Chronic insomnia & sleep deprivation
• Less awareness of risk

I tend to spend more and book more events when high.

So what about the low’s

Generally, I just want to stay in bed and sleep time away. My bed is my comfort place and I will go there whenever I can. I sleep too much rather too little

I withdraw from social situation & go quiet on social media.

If asked how I am, I’ll say “I’m fine” or “I’m OK”, when I’m clearly not but I don’t like anyone making a fuss

In extreme lows, you think a way to end the hurt you are feeling is suicide. If the things you are catastrophising about did happen, it would be your way out.

Whilst I have suicidal thoughts, I have never started to make a plan.

Finally, I believe suicide is not an escape but the most selfish action a human being can take because it brings grief and devastation to family & friends left. I’m not a selfish person so it will never happen.

When in low mood, you think you will be in low forever and a high mood will never come again – but this is Bipolar Disorder and one always does!

I can’t control when moods change and cannot force a change from low to high.

We all have flaws and it’s the cracks that let the light in ☀️

I am lucky to have amazing family and friends, who I know have my back. I know I can be a handful and hurt but it is never my intention. I love you loads ❤️❤️❤️

Be More Kind